I find myself at a significant milestone in my incredible journey as a parent. It was 2 years ago this week that Lexi was conceived. Has it really been 2 years that she has been a part of my life? It blows my mind that it has been so long because when I close my eyes, I am right back where I was 2 years ago: Wondering if I would ever have a healthy baby. Wondering if this cycle of TTC would work. Wondering…am I already pregnant? Dreaming of what that baby might be like, what our future together might be- mine, Dave’s, and our unborn child. And here, 2 years later, I am living that reality with a happy, completely healthy 15-month old toddler that is, pure and simple, my dream come true. I could not ask for a greater gift from God than my sweet, goofy, lovable, happy, curious, energetic, fascinating, curious, inquisitive, mischievous, beautiful little Alexandria Elizabeth. She brings me so much joy, it still brings me to tears. How Dave and I could have created such a wonderful little miracle is beyond me- she is as perfect as can be…though I may be slightly biased, lol. Of course I think she’s the most wonderful human being on the face of the earth, as all parents do of their child- and I am rejoicing each day that I get to parent THIS child. God knows what He is doing, and to know that he trusted Dave and I to care for Lexi, to raise and guide her well, is both the greatest blessing and the greatest responsibility. I see in my daughter a world of potential, and I know I play a big role in impacting how that potential might be fulfilled. While I don’t care to put specific aspirations on her, rather I’d prefer to instead encourage her own passions, I find myself worrying she might follow in my footsteps.
All my life, the common thread I heard was that I “had a lot of potential.” From teachers, from my parents, and definitely from myself. It’s almost like everyone can see that I have this potential within me to do something great, but I have never lived up to it. Sure, I did well in school- technically. While my grades were decent, I always took the easy way out when possible. I never internalized what I was supposedly learning- I learned to get a good grade, not to acquire knowledge. And now I find myself at 31 years old with no real prospects of a career beyond basic employment. Yet I have a B.S. Degree and graduated Magna Cum Laude. So supposedly I must be smart…right? Not so much. Only on paper. Which is such a shame…and brings me to my point. I see tremendous potential in Lexi, and I hope with all my heart that her potential is realized. As her mother, I need to figure out how to nurture that drive within her. I dream for her a life of purpose, dedication, passion- a life of living to her fullest, no matter where that takes her. I look at my own life, and I see so much potential wasted. The effort, the focus, and the determination needed to acquire anything of meaning was lost on me. Except in one very specific area. There is one dream I have seen through in my own life, one aspect I have lived up to my potential in: becoming a mother. No matter the difficult path to get here, I did not waiver until the vision in my head became my reality. In fact, I found my determination become stronger with each setback, knowing deep in my heart that that my true potential of motherhood would one day be realized. I had no idea just how great that dream would turn out to be, for when I pictured my potential unborn child 2 years ago, there is no way I could have imagined just how special Lexi would be. There is just something about her, a spark within her that cannot be explained- this little girl has the potential to change the world. And I will be there to support her every step of the way.
