I find myself at a significant milestone in my incredible journey as a parent. It was 2 years ago this week that Lexi was conceived. Has it really been 2 years that she has been a part of my life? It blows my mind that it has been so long because when I close my eyes, I am right back where I was 2 years ago: Wondering if I would ever have a healthy baby. Wondering if this cycle of TTC would work. Wondering…am I already pregnant? Dreaming of what that baby might be like, what our future together might be- mine, Dave’s, and our unborn child. And here, 2 years later, I am living that reality with a happy, completely healthy 15-month old toddler that is, pure and simple, my dream come true. I could not ask for a greater gift from God than my sweet, goofy, lovable, happy, curious, energetic, fascinating, curious, inquisitive, mischievous, beautiful little Alexandria Elizabeth. She brings me so much joy, it still brings me to tears. How Dave and I could have created such a wonderful little miracle is beyond me- she is as perfect as can be…though I may be slightly biased, lol. Of course I think she’s the most wonderful human being on the face of the earth, as all parents do of their child- and I am rejoicing each day that I get to parent THIS child. God knows what He is doing, and to know that he trusted Dave and I to care for Lexi, to raise and guide her well, is both the greatest blessing and the greatest responsibility. I see in my daughter a world of potential, and I know I play a big role in impacting how that potential might be fulfilled. While I don’t care to put specific aspirations on her, rather I’d prefer to instead encourage her own passions, I find myself worrying she might follow in my footsteps.
All my life, the common thread I heard was that I “had a lot of potential.” From teachers, from my parents, and definitely from myself. It’s almost like everyone can see that I have this potential within me to do something great, but I have never lived up to it. Sure, I did well in school- technically. While my grades were decent, I always took the easy way out when possible. I never internalized what I was supposedly learning- I learned to get a good grade, not to acquire knowledge. And now I find myself at 31 years old with no real prospects of a career beyond basic employment. Yet I have a B.S. Degree and graduated Magna Cum Laude. So supposedly I must be smart…right? Not so much. Only on paper. Which is such a shame…and brings me to my point. I see tremendous potential in Lexi, and I hope with all my heart that her potential is realized. As her mother, I need to figure out how to nurture that drive within her. I dream for her a life of purpose, dedication, passion- a life of living to her fullest, no matter where that takes her. I look at my own life, and I see so much potential wasted. The effort, the focus, and the determination needed to acquire anything of meaning was lost on me. Except in one very specific area. There is one dream I have seen through in my own life, one aspect I have lived up to my potential in: becoming a mother. No matter the difficult path to get here, I did not waiver until the vision in my head became my reality. In fact, I found my determination become stronger with each setback, knowing deep in my heart that that my true potential of motherhood would one day be realized. I had no idea just how great that dream would turn out to be, for when I pictured my potential unborn child 2 years ago, there is no way I could have imagined just how special Lexi would be. There is just something about her, a spark within her that cannot be explained- this little girl has the potential to change the world. And I will be there to support her every step of the way.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Friday, April 13, 2012
Playing the Waiting Game
As of tomorrow, we will be 39 Weeks along. Though we were technically considered “full-term” at 37 Weeks, tomorrow’s milestone is the ultimate goal medically for a healthy pregnancy. We made it! I just cannot believe how far we’ve come, and how close we are to meeting our sweet baby. We had a false alarm the night before last, where I thought my water may have broken, but after going in to the hospital to have it checked out, we found out it hadn‘t. It was definitely disappointing because we are just SO ready to meet our daughter! As each day passes, it gets increasingly harder to sit around and wait. Since my blood pressure has been elevated over the past few weeks, I’m on modified bed rest and have to spend much of my day lying on my side. Without the ability to do much around the house to keep myself busy, the waiting tends to drag on, and I find myself questioning every ache- could that be a contraction? Lol. I know that right now, Sweet Pea is in the safest place possible for her to be healthy. I had a couple of ultrasounds this week, and they showed just how well she’s doing in my womb. So, logically, I know that she’s where she needs to be right now. But my heart wants so badly to hold her and love on her and tell he how much I’ve been looking forward to being her Momma, and so I want her to come right NOW! Lol. First lesson in parenting that I need to learn: it’s time to let go of control. And oh hard that will be for a control freak like me, lol. But this little one is already teaching me that it’s not about MY plan, MY timeline- life will happen and play out as it’s supposed to, no matter how much I try to control it. And I know my daughter will be just as stubborn as me, so the sooner I learn that I can’t control her, the better!
On another note, I am surprised to find myself a little sad at the idea of not being pregnant for much longer. Even though it has been incredibly physically demanding, and the idea of going through the morning sickness of the first half all over again one day makes me want to stay as far away from Dave as possible lest I get pregnant again lol, I will miss this special time alone with my little one. It sounds cliché, but pregnancy is just such a miracle and it’s so hard to wrap my head around the blessing I’ve been given of carrying this child of God over the past 9 months. You know, as painful as this journey has been at times, as difficult as our losses of Angel and Punkin were, I know that from their short lives, I was taught an invaluable lesson in the fragility and true miraculous nature of life. I have such a profound appreciation for what it means that we are at this point right now, with a full-term baby with no foreseeable complications after a pregnancy that had no major health issues- no pre-term labor, no pre-term delivery, no pre-eclampsia, no gestational diabetes, no random hospital stays. I feel so grateful and blessed to have had the healthy pregnancy I have, and I thank God daily for taking such incredibly good care of my daughter. I still feel in awe of the whole situation, and find myself waking up in the morning often thinking it’s all just a dream. I can’t put into words what it’s like to have a dream that was set in motion 5 ½ years ago, but first imagined around 25 years ago, almost realized. It’s truly surreal, and if I am dreaming, please don’t wake me up- I want to see how this one plays out and see what this beautiful miracle growing inside my belly looks like first J .
Lord, I pray that you will watch over us in these final days of our pregnancy, keeping our baby girl healthy and strong. I pray for a smooth and complication-free labor and delivery and for our daughter to be born healthy and free of any medical complications. Thank you so much, Lord, for the incredible blessing of this child and for choosing Dave and I to be her parents. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
On another note, I am surprised to find myself a little sad at the idea of not being pregnant for much longer. Even though it has been incredibly physically demanding, and the idea of going through the morning sickness of the first half all over again one day makes me want to stay as far away from Dave as possible lest I get pregnant again lol, I will miss this special time alone with my little one. It sounds cliché, but pregnancy is just such a miracle and it’s so hard to wrap my head around the blessing I’ve been given of carrying this child of God over the past 9 months. You know, as painful as this journey has been at times, as difficult as our losses of Angel and Punkin were, I know that from their short lives, I was taught an invaluable lesson in the fragility and true miraculous nature of life. I have such a profound appreciation for what it means that we are at this point right now, with a full-term baby with no foreseeable complications after a pregnancy that had no major health issues- no pre-term labor, no pre-term delivery, no pre-eclampsia, no gestational diabetes, no random hospital stays. I feel so grateful and blessed to have had the healthy pregnancy I have, and I thank God daily for taking such incredibly good care of my daughter. I still feel in awe of the whole situation, and find myself waking up in the morning often thinking it’s all just a dream. I can’t put into words what it’s like to have a dream that was set in motion 5 ½ years ago, but first imagined around 25 years ago, almost realized. It’s truly surreal, and if I am dreaming, please don’t wake me up- I want to see how this one plays out and see what this beautiful miracle growing inside my belly looks like first J .
Lord, I pray that you will watch over us in these final days of our pregnancy, keeping our baby girl healthy and strong. I pray for a smooth and complication-free labor and delivery and for our daughter to be born healthy and free of any medical complications. Thank you so much, Lord, for the incredible blessing of this child and for choosing Dave and I to be her parents. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Random Thoughts...
Let’s see, we are now 33 weeks along…we took the childbirth class last Saturday, the crib is up, the mattress is here, I’m no longer working, baby is moving like crazy and somewhere around 4 ½ pounds and 19 ½ inches according to the books, and most of our “meet the baby” out-of-town visitors have scheduled their visits. (PS Anyone who wants to come visit is more than welcome- give me a call and we'll schedule you in!). Now we play the waiting game! Or the, “stop procrastinating Nicki and start organizing Sweet Pea’s clothes and stuff” game. I have all of Sweet Pea’s stuff in her room still in boxes and bags…some of the clothes are at least separated by size, but nothing is washed. I can’t help feeling like actually getting it all ready will jinx things in some way. But I know that if I don’t take care of all that before she gets here, I’m going to be one stressed Momma when I bring her home. So that’s on this week’s To-Do list!
A pregnancy message board I’m a part of had a recent posting of a family going to see the 3-D ultrasound of their daughter at 32 Weeks, only to discover they were actually having a son…they had been told 3 months ago that they were having a girl after their doctor did their ultrasound. Kinda makes you stop and say “what if…?“ I mean, what are the odds that Sweet Pea really is a boy? Lol, maybe that’s why we can’t come up with a girl name!
At our childbirth class, Dave kept saying that one of the nurses teaching the class looked really familiar- and she recognized him too. At a break, they got to talking and it turns out that not only had he sold her some paint for her daughter’s bedroom recently, they’d had a lengthy discussion about baby girl names and what we should name our little one! (Her verdict: Laney, which is what she named her daughter). She’s one of the Labor & Delivery nurses of course, so it’s definitely possible we’ll see her again when we’re in labor. Small world! Interesting enough, that’s now the third person Dave has recognized from his work at Porter Paints while at our hospital- he even recognized someone in the waiting room at our doctor’s appt once. Apparently, Dave is THE paint guy in the Memphis area J .
Fun story: 2 couples in the same childbirth class as us were friends…due on the same day. Weird as that sounds, it gets crazier. They were on vacation together when they conceived. Even crazier…a third couple joined them on that vacation and also conceived- they are due 2 days after the first 2 couples. How insane is that?! 3 couples all conceiving on the same vacation and due within 2 days of each other.
Cute Zeus story: Throughout my pregnancy, Zeus has acted like he knows I’m pregnant- and that he’s very happy about it and can’t wait to meet his new playmate. He just does these little things like sniffing my belly regularly (to make sure she’s still in there?). So the other day, Dave and I are lying on the couch watching TV when Sweet Pea starts moving a lot. Zeus was across the room, lying down, but looking around. As soon as I (very subtly- by no means some huge gesture) moved Dave’s hand onto my belly to feel baby’s movements, Zeus got up and came right over. First he started licking Dave’s hand on my belly (I think he was trying to get him to move his hand either so he could feel the baby or because he thought he was protecting the baby)- when Dave didn’t move his hand, Zeus sadly laid his head down on my lap and waited for Dave to finish. It was really fascinating. I swear some days it’s like Zeus is watching me like I’m a time bomb about to go into labor at any second. He’s very attentive to where I am and what I’m doing and I SWEAR he is already protective of Sweet Pea. And then there’s Jazzie…poor girl has no idea how much her world is going to change soon…it would be so much easier if she didn’t hate anyone under the age of 12. It doesn’t help that now that I’m off work, her new favorite sleeping spot is my lap. She gets up and follows me wherever I go so she can hop back onto my lap as soon as I sit or lie down again. After another 7 weeks of this, what are the odds that she’s going to be willing to share her “bed” with the baby? Oh, sibling rivalry, it's starts so early!
So all is going well and healthy, and all prayers are very much appreciated. Less than 50 days until we finally get to meet this little one- I can't wait!!!
A pregnancy message board I’m a part of had a recent posting of a family going to see the 3-D ultrasound of their daughter at 32 Weeks, only to discover they were actually having a son…they had been told 3 months ago that they were having a girl after their doctor did their ultrasound. Kinda makes you stop and say “what if…?“ I mean, what are the odds that Sweet Pea really is a boy? Lol, maybe that’s why we can’t come up with a girl name!
At our childbirth class, Dave kept saying that one of the nurses teaching the class looked really familiar- and she recognized him too. At a break, they got to talking and it turns out that not only had he sold her some paint for her daughter’s bedroom recently, they’d had a lengthy discussion about baby girl names and what we should name our little one! (Her verdict: Laney, which is what she named her daughter). She’s one of the Labor & Delivery nurses of course, so it’s definitely possible we’ll see her again when we’re in labor. Small world! Interesting enough, that’s now the third person Dave has recognized from his work at Porter Paints while at our hospital- he even recognized someone in the waiting room at our doctor’s appt once. Apparently, Dave is THE paint guy in the Memphis area J .
Fun story: 2 couples in the same childbirth class as us were friends…due on the same day. Weird as that sounds, it gets crazier. They were on vacation together when they conceived. Even crazier…a third couple joined them on that vacation and also conceived- they are due 2 days after the first 2 couples. How insane is that?! 3 couples all conceiving on the same vacation and due within 2 days of each other.
Cute Zeus story: Throughout my pregnancy, Zeus has acted like he knows I’m pregnant- and that he’s very happy about it and can’t wait to meet his new playmate. He just does these little things like sniffing my belly regularly (to make sure she’s still in there?). So the other day, Dave and I are lying on the couch watching TV when Sweet Pea starts moving a lot. Zeus was across the room, lying down, but looking around. As soon as I (very subtly- by no means some huge gesture) moved Dave’s hand onto my belly to feel baby’s movements, Zeus got up and came right over. First he started licking Dave’s hand on my belly (I think he was trying to get him to move his hand either so he could feel the baby or because he thought he was protecting the baby)- when Dave didn’t move his hand, Zeus sadly laid his head down on my lap and waited for Dave to finish. It was really fascinating. I swear some days it’s like Zeus is watching me like I’m a time bomb about to go into labor at any second. He’s very attentive to where I am and what I’m doing and I SWEAR he is already protective of Sweet Pea. And then there’s Jazzie…poor girl has no idea how much her world is going to change soon…it would be so much easier if she didn’t hate anyone under the age of 12. It doesn’t help that now that I’m off work, her new favorite sleeping spot is my lap. She gets up and follows me wherever I go so she can hop back onto my lap as soon as I sit or lie down again. After another 7 weeks of this, what are the odds that she’s going to be willing to share her “bed” with the baby? Oh, sibling rivalry, it's starts so early!
So all is going well and healthy, and all prayers are very much appreciated. Less than 50 days until we finally get to meet this little one- I can't wait!!!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Hello Third Trimester!
We are officially 28 Weeks along now as of this morning! I really can’t believe how fast the last 10 weeks in particular have gone. I also can’t believe that our baby girl will be here in less than 3 months! Making it this far is huge for me on so many levels. With each passing day, I am becoming less fearful of the things that could go wrong and more excited in anticipation of Sweet Pea’s arrival. This particular week is significant to me for another reason. About 6 ½ years ago, my nephew was actually born at just 28 Weeks. He was just 2 pounds at birth and spent the first 2 months of his life in the NICU. Today, he is perfectly healthy and one of the sweetest, funniest little guys you’ll ever meet. I love him to death, and I find myself reflecting today on just what a miracle he is. He's actually coming down with my brother and SIL in a couple of weeks for a visit, and I am just super excited to see them.
Our baby girl (who is still without a name!) is definitely getting bigger, as evidenced by both my growing belly and the more pronounced movements coming from my belly. Last night in particular, she was moving like crazy- and I am thrilled that Dave was home and able to feel her with me. That’s definitely the most active she’s ever been at one given time, and it was a huge blessing for Daddy to get to feel his little gymnast J . Thankfully it’s still a pleasant experience to get to feel her, though many have warned me that as she gets bigger (she’s already around 2 ½ pounds and about 15 inches!), those movements might get a bit more uncomfortable. For now, I’m enjoying every little kick…though her aim at my bladder is a little TOO precise at times, lol.
The next few months should be an incredibly exciting time and will hopefully fly by. We have already signed up for childbirth classes, already registered with our hospital and picked a pediatrician, our crib arrived a few days ago and will be set up within a couple of weeks, and I’m down to my last month of work until after maternity leave. We’re even getting our plans set for when little one arrives, coordinating with family and friends on who’s visiting when. Everything is starting to fall into place, which means, um, I think there really might actually be a baby coming soon! Oh my goodness, oh my goodness...is it possible to ever truly be ready for your baby's arrival? Lol, I love her so much already, and I know I "know" what to do in taking care of a little one (it is my profession after all, lol), plus we've been moving towards this point for almost 5 years- BUT, oh Lordy, are we ready?!! Ready or not, she's a comin' soon...J
Our baby girl (who is still without a name!) is definitely getting bigger, as evidenced by both my growing belly and the more pronounced movements coming from my belly. Last night in particular, she was moving like crazy- and I am thrilled that Dave was home and able to feel her with me. That’s definitely the most active she’s ever been at one given time, and it was a huge blessing for Daddy to get to feel his little gymnast J . Thankfully it’s still a pleasant experience to get to feel her, though many have warned me that as she gets bigger (she’s already around 2 ½ pounds and about 15 inches!), those movements might get a bit more uncomfortable. For now, I’m enjoying every little kick…though her aim at my bladder is a little TOO precise at times, lol.
The next few months should be an incredibly exciting time and will hopefully fly by. We have already signed up for childbirth classes, already registered with our hospital and picked a pediatrician, our crib arrived a few days ago and will be set up within a couple of weeks, and I’m down to my last month of work until after maternity leave. We’re even getting our plans set for when little one arrives, coordinating with family and friends on who’s visiting when. Everything is starting to fall into place, which means, um, I think there really might actually be a baby coming soon! Oh my goodness, oh my goodness...is it possible to ever truly be ready for your baby's arrival? Lol, I love her so much already, and I know I "know" what to do in taking care of a little one (it is my profession after all, lol), plus we've been moving towards this point for almost 5 years- BUT, oh Lordy, are we ready?!! Ready or not, she's a comin' soon...J
Sunday, January 1, 2012
A Very Happy New Year!!!!!
Okay, so I’m WELL overdue for an update on our little Sweet Pea, so here we go!
Saturday, December 10th was a very exciting and pivotal day for us and our growing family. Not only was it my beautiful sister’s 25th birthday, but it also marked us reaching the 22 Week point of our pregnancy. This was very significant for us, as our first pregnancy with Angel lasted exactly 22 weeks. Mentally, passing this milestone was huge, and reality started to hit home that baby really is coming soon! Just to prove how healthy she is, Sweet Pea decided to let Dave feel her presence for the first time this day J . Although I feel her movement inside my belly regularly throughout the day, it’s rare even for me to be able to feel her from the outside of my belly. It was a great moment for Dave to feel her for the first time- I think it made things just a tad more real for him, lol.
We were extremely fortunate this year to have enough time off from work to travel up North for several days and visit with family over the holiday. It was our first Christmas trip back home since we moved away 4 years ago, and it was wonderful to see everyone. As expected, the trip was all about our baby girl and the ever-growing bump in front of me J . I have to say that the best part of the trip was the surprise baby shower thrown for us. It was so incredible to me that so many of our loved ones were able to make it the day before Christmas Eve! The ironic part is that I had had the thought months ago about having a shower while we were up there over Christmas since I don't know if I'll be able to come back again before baby is born, but I figured the holidays are just too hectic to throw an extra party in the mix, and just dismissed the idea. I was so wrong! We had a great turn-out, and I am so grateful for everyone who came and celebrated with us. The party was perfect; I couldn't ask for anything better. Super-secretly planned by my bestie Nanci, my sister Elizabeth, and Nanci’s mom Violet, it was held at Violet's house. It was simply beautiful. The Christmas décor, candles, and flowers created a classy setting, enhanced by pink and green “Sweet Pea” decorations. The food was amazing, with many of my favorites showing up on the menu, including Muddy Buddies and Wildfire restaurant’s Chopped Salad. Head chef for the evening was Violet’s husband Ken, who delighted us all with a great variety that included steak sandwiches and a chocolate chip cookie dessert that was to die for. YUM!!! After food, everyone literally “showered” us with gifts for our little one. I am still overwhelmed, grateful, and just feeling incredibly blessed for everyone’s generosity in helping us prepare for our Sweet Pea’s arrival. It was quite amusing to see how well Dave puzzle-pieced Sweet Pea's gifts into the trunk of our car J. Although not everything made it down in one trip, he did a pretty great job getting most of it in! I can’t say “Thank You” enough to everyone who joined us for the shower, for everyone who gave us gifts for our baby girl, and for all of the hard work, time, and effort put into planning such a memorable evening for us. I love you all SO much! The best part is knowing that Sweet Pea is already loved by so many J .
So today is New Year’s Day, which is super exciting in and of itself! Of course, this year will be extremely exciting and busy for us with our little one preparing to make her arrival. Speaking of “our little one,” “our baby girl,” “our Sweet Pea”…um, we don’t have a name yet, lol. Granted, this is still plenty of time left to make a decision, but, well, we haven’t agreed on ANY names yet. Apparently we have completely different ideas of good names for our daughter! I am totally up for any suggestions, lol. Last night while we celebrated New Year’s Eve with some friends from Dave’s work, it became quite the discussion as to what we should name our baby girl. I would just like to point out that most women that hear the names I like completely agree with me, LOL. But of course, we want a name we both like, so the search continues! Suggestions are great- keep them coming!
As always, thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers throughout our pregnancy that our baby girl will be full-term and healthy with a complication-free pregnancy J . Happy and Healthy New Year’s wishes to all!!! J
Saturday, December 10th was a very exciting and pivotal day for us and our growing family. Not only was it my beautiful sister’s 25th birthday, but it also marked us reaching the 22 Week point of our pregnancy. This was very significant for us, as our first pregnancy with Angel lasted exactly 22 weeks. Mentally, passing this milestone was huge, and reality started to hit home that baby really is coming soon! Just to prove how healthy she is, Sweet Pea decided to let Dave feel her presence for the first time this day J . Although I feel her movement inside my belly regularly throughout the day, it’s rare even for me to be able to feel her from the outside of my belly. It was a great moment for Dave to feel her for the first time- I think it made things just a tad more real for him, lol.
We were extremely fortunate this year to have enough time off from work to travel up North for several days and visit with family over the holiday. It was our first Christmas trip back home since we moved away 4 years ago, and it was wonderful to see everyone. As expected, the trip was all about our baby girl and the ever-growing bump in front of me J . I have to say that the best part of the trip was the surprise baby shower thrown for us. It was so incredible to me that so many of our loved ones were able to make it the day before Christmas Eve! The ironic part is that I had had the thought months ago about having a shower while we were up there over Christmas since I don't know if I'll be able to come back again before baby is born, but I figured the holidays are just too hectic to throw an extra party in the mix, and just dismissed the idea. I was so wrong! We had a great turn-out, and I am so grateful for everyone who came and celebrated with us. The party was perfect; I couldn't ask for anything better. Super-secretly planned by my bestie Nanci, my sister Elizabeth, and Nanci’s mom Violet, it was held at Violet's house. It was simply beautiful. The Christmas décor, candles, and flowers created a classy setting, enhanced by pink and green “Sweet Pea” decorations. The food was amazing, with many of my favorites showing up on the menu, including Muddy Buddies and Wildfire restaurant’s Chopped Salad. Head chef for the evening was Violet’s husband Ken, who delighted us all with a great variety that included steak sandwiches and a chocolate chip cookie dessert that was to die for. YUM!!! After food, everyone literally “showered” us with gifts for our little one. I am still overwhelmed, grateful, and just feeling incredibly blessed for everyone’s generosity in helping us prepare for our Sweet Pea’s arrival. It was quite amusing to see how well Dave puzzle-pieced Sweet Pea's gifts into the trunk of our car J. Although not everything made it down in one trip, he did a pretty great job getting most of it in! I can’t say “Thank You” enough to everyone who joined us for the shower, for everyone who gave us gifts for our baby girl, and for all of the hard work, time, and effort put into planning such a memorable evening for us. I love you all SO much! The best part is knowing that Sweet Pea is already loved by so many J .
So today is New Year’s Day, which is super exciting in and of itself! Of course, this year will be extremely exciting and busy for us with our little one preparing to make her arrival. Speaking of “our little one,” “our baby girl,” “our Sweet Pea”…um, we don’t have a name yet, lol. Granted, this is still plenty of time left to make a decision, but, well, we haven’t agreed on ANY names yet. Apparently we have completely different ideas of good names for our daughter! I am totally up for any suggestions, lol. Last night while we celebrated New Year’s Eve with some friends from Dave’s work, it became quite the discussion as to what we should name our baby girl. I would just like to point out that most women that hear the names I like completely agree with me, LOL. But of course, we want a name we both like, so the search continues! Suggestions are great- keep them coming!
As always, thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers throughout our pregnancy that our baby girl will be full-term and healthy with a complication-free pregnancy J . Happy and Healthy New Year’s wishes to all!!! J
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Awesome Article on "How to Talk to Little Girls"
I actually first saw this posted on FB, but I wanted to put it on here so I make sure to re-read it in the future. This article is from The Huffington Post and was written by Lisa Bloom. I completely agree with what she's talking about it, and now that I know I'm having a girl, I want to make that conscious mental switch to be careful what words I say to little girls (not just my daughter)- and to think about what message I'm sending them. I know this kind of wordage is something I have certainly been guilty of in the past- it's so hard not to! Anywho, here's the article...
I went to a dinner party at a friend's home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.
Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, "Maya, you're so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!"
But I didn't. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.
What's wrong with that? It's our culture's standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn't it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.
Hold that thought for just a moment.
This week ABC News reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. In my book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, I reveal that 15 to 18 percent of girls under 12 now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down; and 25 percent of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful college women say they'd rather be hot than smart. A Miami mom just died from cosmetic surgery, leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart.
Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What's missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.
That's why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.
"Maya," I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, "very nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too," she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice.
"Hey, what are you reading?" I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I love books. I'm nuts for them. I let that show.
Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger.
"I LOVE books," I said. "Do you?"
Most kids do.
"YES," she said. "And I can read them all by myself now!"
"Wow, amazing!" I said. And it is, for a five-year-old. You go on with your bad self, Maya.
"What's your favorite book?" I asked.
"I'll go get it! Can I read it to you?"
Purplicious was Maya's pick and a new one to me, as Maya snuggled next to me on the sofa and proudly read aloud every word, about our heroine who loves pink but is tormented by a group of girls at school who only wear black. Alas, it was about girls and what they wore, and how their wardrobe choices defined their identities. But after Maya closed the final page, I steered the conversation to the deeper issues in the book: mean girls and peer pressure and not going along with the group. I told her my favorite color in the world is green, because I love nature, and she was down with that.
Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. It's surprising how hard it is to stay away from those topics with little girls, but I'm stubborn.
I told her that I'd just written a book, and that I hoped she'd write one too one day. She was fairly psyched about that idea. We were both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next time to choose another book and we'd read it and talk about it. Oops. That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from her bedroom a few times, all jazzed up.
So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains. One brief moment of intentional role modeling. Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? No. But I did change Maya's perspective for at least that evening.
Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what she's reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You're just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.
I went to a dinner party at a friend's home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.
Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, "Maya, you're so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!"
But I didn't. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.
What's wrong with that? It's our culture's standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn't it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.
Hold that thought for just a moment.
This week ABC News reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. In my book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, I reveal that 15 to 18 percent of girls under 12 now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down; and 25 percent of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful college women say they'd rather be hot than smart. A Miami mom just died from cosmetic surgery, leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart.
Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What's missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.
That's why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.
"Maya," I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, "very nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too," she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice.
"Hey, what are you reading?" I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I love books. I'm nuts for them. I let that show.
Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger.
"I LOVE books," I said. "Do you?"
Most kids do.
"YES," she said. "And I can read them all by myself now!"
"Wow, amazing!" I said. And it is, for a five-year-old. You go on with your bad self, Maya.
"What's your favorite book?" I asked.
"I'll go get it! Can I read it to you?"
Purplicious was Maya's pick and a new one to me, as Maya snuggled next to me on the sofa and proudly read aloud every word, about our heroine who loves pink but is tormented by a group of girls at school who only wear black. Alas, it was about girls and what they wore, and how their wardrobe choices defined their identities. But after Maya closed the final page, I steered the conversation to the deeper issues in the book: mean girls and peer pressure and not going along with the group. I told her my favorite color in the world is green, because I love nature, and she was down with that.
Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. It's surprising how hard it is to stay away from those topics with little girls, but I'm stubborn.
I told her that I'd just written a book, and that I hoped she'd write one too one day. She was fairly psyched about that idea. We were both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next time to choose another book and we'd read it and talk about it. Oops. That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from her bedroom a few times, all jazzed up.
So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains. One brief moment of intentional role modeling. Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? No. But I did change Maya's perspective for at least that evening.
Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what she's reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You're just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
It’s a Girl!!!!!!!
I can’t believe today finally came and that the outcome was so positive. I have been anticipating/dreading/looking forward to this day since the plus sign showed up on the pregnancy test 4 months ago. Today was the day when finally found out if our little one was growing healthy. With our first pregnancy with Angel, it was at this pivotal moment in his pregnancy that we learned he would not survive, so you can imagine how hard it was NOT to have fear of what today’s outcome might be. But it couldn’t have gone better. Baby was moving like crazy, showing off for us all. The ultrasound tech’s words: “You’re gonna be chasing this child all over the place,” LOL. Out little Sweet Pea is weighing in at almost a pound already and is measuring just right for this 20-week mark. And baby decided to cooperate and let us know that she is a she! Dave and I were so convinced she was a boy, we were both pretty shocked- but extremely excited about our growing daughter. I, of course, immediately started crying. It’s no secret how badly I wanted a daughter, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up because a healthy baby was so much more important than gender. But now I know that I am carrying my daughter in my belly…Daughter- how crazy is that?!! I have to say, this has made everything so much more real- she’s healthy, she’s growing, she’s moving- she’s, um going to be here in just a few months! Oh lordy, I need to get ready, lol. First things first, time to shout it to the world! That’s right, sometime in the next day or two, we will actually be Facebook official! LOL. If it were up to Dave, we’d have announced on FB awhile ago, but I just needed today to go well first. And it so did- in the words of our doctor, “Baby is perfect.” Love it. Love her. Love my husband for making me a momma, and I cannot wait to see him holding our baby girl. Lots of love to everyone and thank you so much for your continued thoughts, prayers, and well-wishes! *Hugs*
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